Mental Blocks

I’m ready for it, no I’m not. I take a deep breath: YOU CAN DO THIS. I keep telling myself that I can, even though I hear the chorus of voices in the back of my mind telling me all the things that could go wrong, that it’s probably not going to work, that I’m  going to end up getting hurt. I feel nauseous, for a second I think I’m about to throw up but I don’t. The feeling just spreads from my stomach down to my knees and makes them shiver. I take another deep breath, now singing Eminems “Not Afraid” to myself like a muppet alone on the water. I edge out, YOU CAN DO THIS. The board slowly starts turning back to the wake, I see the whole boat full of people holding their breath, giving me the thumbs up. NOOO, DON’T!!! My mind gets the best of me and I slowly cruise back to the wake, I can feel the tears burning behind my eyes, stupid! I am such a big coward! I throw the handle and bury my head in my hands. Usually this is where I would kick my board off and get in the boat full of self loathing but these days, this is where yoga has changed my life. Instead of listening to all the horrible thoughts my mind is throwing at me, as the boat come around all I can hear myself say is “One more, I have to get one”. The massive engine starts up again spitting out smoke and taking what feels like eternity to get back up to speed. I edge out, I can do this I can do this. My board starts turning back to the wake, NO YOU CAN’T! My mind is screaming at me but this time I don’t listen to it. I reach the wake and do what DC has told me to do all along, as soon as I take of I know it is going to work. My feet slowly hits the water and a little smile curl my lips. All of a sudden I feel a 100 kilos lighter. The guys in the boat are chearing, my knees are all of a sudden Jello and my stomach is filled with butterflies. It’s the best feeling in the world